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i. hate. aritzia.

if they don't kill me of lowered-self-worth, then they certainly will as i cry driving home this late at night.

the last of summer to do list:

- take clothes to burlington

- flea market

- design logo + art things

- find a job in toronto

- move back in to apartment

- clean room

- borrow/purchase reading list

- read reading list

- birthday

- cottage/camping with the girls

- paint

breathe happy

apparently my room stinks and i don't really know what to do about it. change the water in my flowers and febreeze i guess?

so i may just be going to see fleet foxes tomorrow?

Sale at Aritzia!!!

come buy things from me, tell your friends, i need the sales.

i need new sneakers

like little slip on ones, like sneaker sailor indian boat shoes

my summer plans consist of:

-actually working at aritzia/somewhere else

-h24 dress competition (tomorrow!)

-waterpark

-picnic

-photoshoot behind the camera with Sunny Humber and Kristie Allen

-photoshoot infront of the camera with Brittany Daigle

-wisdom teeth out

-cottage

-start an online business for vintage

i do

just took me a minute to realize

i hope you didn't see that

i love when google search history can be used against you. i was just curious i swear.

you cut like a knife

i've been having alot of ups and downs lately. mostly downs.

photoshoot ideas:

- scrap yard

- flower afro

- underwater

- two naked people wrapped up together

- gilt mirrors

time to go location hunting!

paints

throwing out all the art my mum saved for me. surprisingly, some of it is worth keeping i think. i just have the strongest urge to paint right now and i can't because all my paints and brushes are in toronto, sitting all alone, crying out my name. speaking of toronto, i have a ton of shit to bring home to a place with no space to put it.

why won't you let me cut off all my hair?

i just need a change.

you're looking very shane today

i doubt i'll sleep well tonight

i have no idea what to wear to my first day of training. at least i have some clothes i brought home. some.

wrong

i guess all that bitching payed off after all.

all you gotta do is have no faith in yourself.

probably couldn't get a job if my life depended on it.

probably couldn't get a job if my life depended on it.

i'm not sure what i'm doing wrong, maybe it's the fact that i don't enjoy acting like a cocky piece of shit and that instead i'm honest.

as of tomorrow, i'll have had 7 interviews. none of which will have called me with good news. none of which will likely even return my calls.

the irony?

a lazy sonofabitch who really doesn't want the job, who likely steals, and expects time off, will likely be hired before me because they have experience forcing purchases down customers throats.

apparently people don't want to hire an honest, friendly, hardworking girl unless she knows how to manipulate people. apparently commitment is not worth the time.

i'm sorry that i'm not 100% sure if i can sell $350 worth of crap every hour.

i'm sorry that i'll try my hardest, but that's not good enough.

rant. rant. rant.

skip

i can't believe

how you're still able to make

my heart skip a few beats

and you didn't even say a thing.

what i'll miss:

the purple cat pants that Shirley wore to class every week

the awkward moments when naked people talk to you

staying up wayyy too late finishing something

spending approximately 4-6 dollars for a sheet of paper

being in love with a lesbian

going shopping between classes

thirsty thursdays at the pub with a bunch of friends who are way too old for me

finding out everyone is too old for me

using the walls as storage space

buying art and fashion magazines and calling them "textbook expenses"

feeling extremely inadequate

seeing a ton of penis, boobs, and/or vagina every class

the art kid graffiti on bathroom stalls

jokes that involve art history

having a foreign professor who couldn't say DaVinci

bullshitting the "meaning" behind your work

having the entire living room floor covered in feathers or cardboard

finding an excuse to keep things for future projects

learning that stealing isn't actually bad

wanting to do homework cause its fun

ogling over the beautiful TA

staying all three hours of the printmaking open studio

having 13 hour days at school

getting into the AGO for free

eating pancakes in class

learning how to use the woodshop

being told to cheat and plagiarize ideas, the right way

painting sticks and pinecones and steph's face for drawing class

creating a sculpture for painting class

being able to say "yes, i go to school in the crayon building"

drawing naked people

finding paint in your hair or on other places of your body

burning myself with multiple glue guns and soldering irons

hearing at least one person justify their project by saying, "i cut myself and got blood on it"

or something along those lines.

fuck yeah art school.

read

i guess i'm really bad at reading people,

or maybe just a lot worse at it than i had thought.

oh well, i'm sure i'll get over it soon,

but for now it remains an unpleasant shock in the crooks of my day.

journals are for babies

diaries are the hip thing, didn't ya know?

anyways, i decided to make this blog for less serious posts, less cool posts i guess you could say. check out my tumblr if ya want.

www.littleboybleu.tumblr.com

i'm considering going to the bathroom on the fifth floor every friday at 11:30 now. it was a nice surprise that i could get used to.

fear

please don't let this change you.

don't turn into two steps forward, three steps back.

i still need you.

i don't know if you're scared,

i don't know if you're hurt,

i don't know what you want

to make you feel better.

i can't know because you haven't told me.

please let me be there.

don't let this push you back.

i miss my headphones.

deserved

all i want is sleep right now. and for morning to come later. much later than four hours from now.

the cheese stands alone

hi-ho the dairy-o, the cheese stands aloneeeeee.

binaries

the good news: all i have left to do is wait for the paint to dry.

the bad news: the painting i just finished, wasn't part of my homework.

:|

don't worry though, it looks gooood.

pathetic

wow that really shouldn't have made me so happy i don't think. oh well, i guess i'm just easy to please these days.

ps: i had a dream about elephants, and although i was human, one of them was mine. as in my child. and i could talk to the other elephant mommies, cept they were elephants...

is my mind trying to tell me never to forget? never to forget what?

either way, i'm wayyyy too happy this morning to dwell on such things.

girrrrrl

c'mon, don't leave me hangin...

productivity

days off are for hair dye.

it feels worse than exam week

but perhaps thats cause my version of exam week is a lot easier than most.

due this week: powepoint presentation, mini film, three paintings, two - three cardboard renderings of a gas mask, visual culture quiz...am i missing anything? probably.

well, might as well get it out of the way. although, three paintings due by thursday. really?

this weekend was wayyyy too short.

big hair

screw school, i just wanna see you! :)

hurry up weekend, pleeeeeease!

the list:

in no particular order ( minus alice ) :

alice glass

lights

juliet simms

nicki minaj

sierra kusterbeck

lady gaga

taylor momsen

ke$ha

christina aguilera

nicki day

massive attack: havin a nicki day. she's not bad, she's a sad little wannabe.

jealous?

just doing some work - or lack thereof - in one of many sewing laboratories of ryerson. (the laboratories where souls are made)

printmaking day 1:

"survival suit for the city"

reasons why i like ocad:

1. please do not frame it.

2. you can leave as much noise as you want.

3. erase the ink if you want.

4. who cares? see what happens.

5. play. have fun. and learn.

flower bed

prettyyyyyyyyyyy.

i wish i could paint.

home home home

i used to love watching madeline. and that dang pepito. (if thats even how you spell it)

ps. did i mention i'm coming home?

gamers

quality together time. might as well be family day.

candy?

dripptastic

found this on someone else's blog. pretty sick. kermit tesoro.

prettyyyy

not the most productive day off.

okay, you were right.

yummy in ma tummy

back with a smile

maybe 8am classes aren't so bad. the walk wasn't horrible and its great to get up in the morning.

2.

ps: thanks for asking me to grad and accepting my later request even after i told you no. i'm so glad i decided not to be stupid. i remember i was sooooo nervous asking you that i slipped it in at the end of our conversation when i was sitting with you on the bus so that just in case you said no, i would be able to get off the bus REAL quickly. plus i could feel my face turning red when i even thought about bringing it up.

except you didn't say no. :)

the skinny

how society has managed to flip itself around.

stay gold

jealous of that photographer

not only an amazing photograph, but when i saw it, i saw that whole night again. i can't remember a time when i was more excited for this, the first time i'd ever felt such anticipation. i guess thats what a favourite band does to you. i still can't believe that we saw the end of this band. the love for fall out boy is a forever thing. what an amazing show. i'm proud to say that they stole my fandom virginity, and they're probably what brought the three of us so close together.

long live the car crash hearts, and long live our friendships. and best of all, long live true romance, we shot it in the chest and in the head.

this will get me a minor in english/creative writing

ENGL 2B01 - introduction to creative writing

ENGL 2B03 - introduction to literary criticism

ENGL 3B05 - Creative writing: contemporary and experimental forms

ENGL 3B20 - Creative Writing II

ENGL 4B17 - Advanced Creative Writing

ENGL 4B03 - European Literary Classics and Criticism

i miss her